


Lance's Big Gender Confusion (TM)

by thehufflepuffreference



Series: Write Me Like A Love Song [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), College AU, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Discussion of Avengers: Civil War, Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gen, M/M, Starts fluffy ends angsty, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Male Character, Trans Male Keith (Voltron), but he's not a transphobe, lance is confused, miscommunications, part of my YouTubers AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 11:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18281690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehufflepuffreference/pseuds/thehufflepuffreference
Summary: Following a conversation at Family Dinner, Lance finds out Keith is trans. Keith isn't sure how Lance didn't know, but now he thinks Lance is a transphobe. Lance is sent into a spiral of confusion about gender and sexuality and doesn't have the words to communicate.





	1. The Misunderstanding

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to Thorn in Your Side by Namoli Brennet

Shiro has enforced mandatory Family Dinner Nights every Friday after they’re all done with classes and labs and whatever else they need to do. They were supposed to take turns cooking, but it always ends up being Hunk and Lance that pull the weight, although Keith and Pidge (surprisingly) are very good at chopping vegetables. It’s October now, approaching Keith’s birthday, and they’re all settling into living with each other very nicely. 

“All I’m saying,” Pidge yelled from her spot at the table where she was slicing plantains to fry to accompany that night’s congrí, which Lance and Hunk were preparing following Lance’s mom’s recipe, “Is that Steve was right. The Avengers shouldn’t have had to be under government control. The bad things that happened weren’t their fault!” 

“Not this again.” Allura sighed as she walked into the room.

“Yes this, Allura!” The younger woman cried, and started pointing her knife across the kitchen at Keith, who was leaning against the fridge. “Because _that heathen_ over there thinks that the _government_ should’ve had control of the _Avengers_.”

“The Avengers are fictional characters, Pidge. It doesn’t really matter.” Allura tried to reason, but was drowned out by twin scoffs from Hunk and Lance, and a shriek from Pidge.

“It does matter, and you know what? You’re a heathen too—”

“Pidge, I’m not saying that I think the government should’ve had control of the Avengers. What I’m saying is that Tony just wanted to keep them together and safe. He wasn’t handing over control to the government. I don’t think he trusted them either, but it was either do that or become a fugitive. Frankly, he probably had a plan to go behind the government’s back, and if Steve and the others had just listened to him it all could’ve been—” Keith’s argument was cut off by Shiro entering the room.

“Come on guys, we have this argument at least once a week. And Keith, you’re just repeating stuff I said in my video on _Civil War_. Honestly, I agree with you, Pidge.”

“What?” It was Lance’s turn to shriek. He turned away from the stove with a spoon covered in congrí and gestured it toward Shiro. “You? Think Steve was right? You, Mister I-follow-all-the-rules? You think that having half the Avengers become fugitives instead of being sneaky was the way to go?” Shiro shrugged and smirked at Lance’s shocked expression.

“I like being up front. At least Steve was sticking to his guns. I do think Keith is right that Tony had a plan, but I don’t like it when people are sneaky.” That answer seemed to appease Lance, who turned back to the food. Keith and Allura were hunched over, wheezing with laughter at Lance’s abrupt outburst, but when Keith stood up again, his breath could still be heard wheezing in and out of his lungs. 

“Hey Keith, buddy, how long have you had your binder on?” Hunk asked from beside him. He looked over at the other man whose expression was a bit pinched. “I heard you get up really early this morning, so if you’ve had it on the whole time, you should probably think about taking it off.” 

“I don’t need you to mother hen, me Hunk. I know.” Keith glared at him, but softened when he saw the hurt expression cross his new friend’s face. “Sorry. Yeah, I know I need to change, I just don’t want to.” 

“Um...what’s going on?” Lance asked, his eyebrow raised in confusion. “How is Keith wearing a binder, aren’t those things that you keep papers in?” Keith cocked his head at Lance’s stupidity, sort of waiting for him to catch on. It’s not like he was quiet about being trans, Lance must just not have put it together yet.

“Not a paper binder, Lance a chest binder. To make his chest flat. It’s like you don’t know anything sometimes.” Lance’s face fell, those words from Pidge obviously stung, but he tried to pick up again quickly. 

“Yeah okay, I guess I’ve heard of those, but why does Keith need it?” Keith raised an eyebrow and was starting to get a little pissed. 

“Because I’m trans and I still have a chest and I would like it to be kept flat.” He replied in a deadpan. And that’s when Keith realized that not only was Lance a bit stupid, but he was completely, entirely oblivious. Because Lance was just looking at him, completely shell-shocked, and not responding. Which meant that he didn’t know. Which meant this could go one of two ways: either Lance could be cool, or he could be a jerk. And if he was a jerk, Keith would have to punch him right in the face. Keith is preparing for the worst.

Meanwhile, Lance is freaking out. He does not know how to react. Keith is trans? Cool that doesn’t matter, but he feels like a shitty friend because he didn’t _know_. How did everyone else know but Lance didn’t? He’s processing the new information as his thoughts hit him at approximately 153 miles per hour, but he’s also slowly realizing it has been...Far Too Long for him to have had zero response to Keith. So he tries to pull together a cool look, he’s cool with it, it’s all good in the hood if you know what he means. “Oh. Okay. Sorry, man. I just didn’t know. Take care of yourself.” He turns back to the stove. 

Keith does not know how to feel. He waited a literal minute for any sort of response from Lance. He could practically see Lance’s thoughts racing, and his response was very...flat. So Keith gets defensive, and he gets hurt, and he gets mad, and he decides that Lance is probably not okay with him being trans, and he decides Lance is a jerk. But he knows the others can feel the tension rising in the room, and he can feel his hands shaking, so instead of punching Lance in the face, Keith leaves the room. He decides to do what Hunk reminded him to do, since now everyone knows he’s had his binder on for too long. Keith goes up to his room and changes. He pulls on a sports bra that’s a little bit too tight, and especially too tight for already having worn his binder for 12 hours, and one of Shiro’s old shirts that he stopped wearing after the accident. Even though Keith has grown a lot in the past three years on T, Shiro will always be bigger than him -- the man is a beast. 

Lance is standing, stirring the congrí, and his face is bright red, and his thoughts are still swarming. He is vaguely aware that Hunk has put the oil on to fry the plantains, and that the others are speaking quietly in the background. Lance isn’t sure they are aware of the disaster that has just occurred. He knows he upset Keith, and he is at least a little bit clued in as to why, but he doesn’t know how to make it better, and he doesn’t know _why his thoughts won’t leave him alone, thank you very much_.

Here’s a bit of backstory. Lance is the second youngest of five children. He is minutes older than his twin sister Rachel, and two years younger than his next-oldest sibling Veronica. His brothers Marco and Luis are six and eight years older than him respectively. He’s always been closer to the women in his life. And his whole life he’s loved playing dress up, and playing with makeup, his skin-care regime is the most important part of his routine. And he’s always been insecure about it. And until recently he’s been hiding or ignoring or not admitting to the fact that he is bisexual. That he loves men just as much as he loves women, and he’s fallen for quite a few nonbinary or agender people as well. But it’s just in the last year, at college, with Hunk and Pidge coaxing him through it and the admission out of him, that he’s been able to recognize and say that he’s bi. 

He flashes back to a time when he was ten, or eleven, years old. He, Rachel, and Veronica had been playing in the ocean, mermaids or something, glitter and blue eyeshadow from one of Veronica’s play makeup kits shown off on all three of their faces. Lance was approaching his parents and Marco from the water, behind their backs, and he heard their conversation. 

“Marco, I would appreciate it if you didn’t say those things about your brother. Lancito is a sweet little boy who dotes on his sisters.” Their mother Mirana said, furrowing her brow at her eldest son. 

“Mamí, I’m not saying it to be mean to him, sabes que lo amo, pero Mamí he’s gonna get hurt. You don’t know what it’s like, I hear other boys talking about him. About him being _queer_ , Mamí you have to understand how dangerous that is.” Marco pleaded with their mother, Lance could see that his brother was sincere, and there was no contempt in his voice, but he didn’t really understand what they were saying. 

“Mijo, Lance is a special boy. There is nothing wrong with him.” Mirana placed a calming hand on her son’s shoulder. 

“Mirana, Marco is right. We do let Lance play games with the girls always. Maybe he is spending too much time with them. Let’s bring him with us more, he can come to work with me like Luis did at his age, it’ll make him into a real man.” Antonio said to his wife, his face stern and mouth set. Mirana squared her shoulders at her husband. 

“Cuando muera. Only then will I let you speak about my son in such a way. Fine, take him to work, but he will be a real man no matter what, Antonio.” Lance saw his father’s face become angry. He’d never seen his father angry at his mother before. 

“I will not let my son turn into one of _those_ Mirana. I won’t take him away from the girls, but I will protect him. Even if I have to turn you against me.” Lance’s father stormed off, and Marco followed, his face colored with regret. Lance finished approaching his mother. The fun he’d been having had left, and what remained was a heavy, sick feeling in his stomach. Suddenly the glitter on his body didn’t feel pretty, it itched and felt like a homing beacon for the conversation that he’d just overheard. 

“Mamí?” Lance asked, reaching over to grasp her elbow. “What’s wrong? Did I do something that made Papí and Marco upset?” Lance felt like he had a bit more of an understanding, but didn’t know what he could do to make it better. 

“No, Lancito. Marco is hanging with the wrong boys, and your Papí…” She trailed off in a sigh, and bent over to meet Lance’s eyes. He could tell she was still troubled, even though she put on a smile. “You’re perfect, mijo. Te quiero.” She kissed his forehead, but the heavy, icky feeling didn’t go away. He told her he loved her too, and followed his father and brother back to their house across town to take off his makeup. He didn’t want to be the thing that caused his father’s anger any longer.

He’s ripped out of his flashback when a drop of burning oil splashes onto his arm from where Hunk is frying the plantains. Hunk apologizes, then goes back to his conversation. Lance is sucked back into his thoughts.

Lance has spent his whole life digging himself out of toxic masculinity, and the past year clinging tooth and nail to the idea of being straight, of being normal, of not being those words that were hurled at him growing up that made him shrink and want to die. He’s spent the past year trying to let go of that. But now, Keith, literally the most manly man that Lance knows, is trans. He’s such a man that people tried to tell him he wasn’t and he became that man anyway. And Lance is feeling all of his self doubt start to rise again; he’s hearing all of those names again, ringing in his head, as he shuts off the burner for the congrí and scoops it into a large bowl to bring to the table. If Keith, with his cut off shirts, and his blacksmithing, and his utter disregard for most personal grooming, was trans and the most manly person Lance knew, where did that leave Lance? Lance who loved manicures and facials, Lance who thought he looked killer in heels and a dress, and yeah even makeup. Lance who had been called girly and “the f-word” growing up, all the way up to last week on the bus. Lance who did girl things, and had been mistaken as a girl in public until he was eight. 

These are the thoughts that beat against Lance’s skull as they sat down to dinner, and Keith slunk back into the kitchen. The others had continued their conversation on the Marvel Universe from earlier, but Lance and Keith sat and ate in silence, stealing glances full of uncertainty at each other. Both knew a conversation was coming, but neither knew if anything would be resolved.


	2. The Video and The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance tries to work through his thoughts, and does a cover on his channel. He tries to talk to Keith but doesn't really get everything out there.

It’s been three days and Lance has still not approached Keith about his slight mental breakdown upon finding out Keith is trans. So he picks up his guitar between study sessions and starts to learn some new songs. Then he gets restless, so he picks up his phone and goes around campus to vlog about his friends. Hunk happens to be in a Chemistry lab with no professor present, and the TA lets Lance in to get a shot of the experiment they’re doing that day, which involves liquid nitrogen, a banana, and a blow torch. 

After he thinks he’s got enough footage to edit together into a somewhat-decent vlog, Lance heads to the Voltron café near campus that Allura’s uncle, Coran, runs. Lance decides that the only way he’s going to quiet the voices in his head on the gender matter is to do a little research. An hour and a half and four coffees in, Lance thinks he understands all the terms better, but turns to YouTube and music videos to process it better. He always thinks better when music is playing. 

He gets through Green Day’s _King for a Day_ which he already knew from growing up through Veronica’s punk phase, and David Bowie’s _Rebel Rebel_ , and about a dozen more songs talking about gender and rebelling and so on, before finding a couple more recent songs that he really enjoyed. One by Ezra Furman, who Lance discovered identifies as gender fluid, _Body Was Made_. Lance loved the tone, and how it felt older than it was, but the music video made him slightly uncomfortable, mostly because he could hear his father in the back of his head saying he didn’t want Lance to become one of them. The second was _Thorn in Your Side_ by Namoli Brennet, a trans woman. That song really caught his attention, and he listens to it four times before standing up and making his way out of the café. 

When he gets back to their house, he heads straight to his room and learns the chords. When he finishes recording that night, he’s an exhausted mess. He goes to bed still not knowing what to think.

~*~*~*~

The video is dimly lit. Lance clears his throat and adjusts his guitar on his lap. “Hey, Laniacs, I’ve been going through some stuff. A friend and I had a misunderstanding and it’s sent me pretty far into my head, so I guess I’m here to work some stuff out.” And he starts playing. 

He had to start the recording over four times because he either stumbled over the fingering or the words, or his voice choked up. Lance wasn’t sure why the song felt so pointed at him. Even in the final cut, the line “ _Some people’s minds are just as narrow as the truth is wide_ ” was thick with emotion. 

Lance ends with a short outro, just a thank you, and threw together an end card that said he’d be posting a vlog the next day. 

~*~*~*~

Keith drops his phone onto the bed next to him after watching Lance’s most recent video. He’d heard him recording it earlier, though he hadn’t been aware of it at the time. Keith hadn’t heard that song before, but he understood the sentiment. He looked up the artist, and began to put together what he assumed Lance’s journey the past couple days had been. It looked like he was going to have to talk to Lance, because something was going on in the other’s that he didn’t quite know if he understood. 

In the end, though, Keith didn’t have to make the first move, because Lance corners him the next evening when they’re both in for the night. He’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, his hair is tangled and standing on end, and his eyes are a little manic. Keith’s eyes widen and he raises his brows at the man in front of him. 

“Hey...Keith.” Lance starts, rocking back and bringing his arms up to cross in front of him. Keith can tell he’s trying to make eye contact, but instead his eyes keep darting around Keith’s face. 

“What’s up, Lance?” Keith leans against his door jam. 

“I just wanted to say sorry for my reaction the other night.” Keith is slightly taken aback that Lance got right to the point -- having known him for a couple months, Keith is very aware that Lance is the King of dancing around any and every subject. “It’s really cool—I mean, I’m cool with it, not _it’s_ cool, it doesn’t matter.” Lance sighs and tugs at the ends of his hair. “I’m trying to say I’m okay with the fact you’re trans. I was just a little surprised.” Keith nods at him. 

“Alright. Thanks for letting me know. I’m glad you’re not a transphobe. Because then I’d have to punch you in the face.” He gives Lance a little smile, which Lance returns, though the corners of his mouth are tight. “I saw your new cover. It was pretty good.” Keith watches with a quirked brow as Lance swallows and averts his eyes again, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

“Thanks, man. I guess I just wanted to work through some stuff before I talked to you.” 

“I get it. Thanks for working through it. You need anything else?” Lance hesitates for a minute before whipping around and walking the other way down the hall. 

“Nope. Thanks, Mullet.” He calls over his shoulder. Keith sighs and turns into his room. It’s gonna be a long road, but he thinks it’ll be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I'm just writing all of this now? 
> 
> Anyway, Lance isn't trans, he's just working through some stuff from his family and life. He wants to talk to Keith about it, but they're not friends and he can't. Poor boy.   
> Keith would just like some peace. They have to suffer before it can get better.
> 
> Did I mention this is a slow burn?
> 
> This chapter, featuring some good songs about gender identity/being trans/being gender nonconforming. I'm working on a playlist, but honestly I've been writing stream of consciousness for like a full day at this point. 
> 
> As always, anything problematic let me know and I'll fix it. If you have any ideas/thing you'd like to see in this AU comment and let me know. 
> 
> Keep Rocking On,  
> THR

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Is this the third post in a day? I really am not doing my midterms.
> 
> This is the impetus for their friendship and their rivalry. The boys need to hurt to get closer, I don't make the rules. There is almost zero discussion of YouTube or their channels in this but I needed it to further the plot. 
> 
> Lance needs to learn that just because you like things associated with one gender it doesn't mean you have to identify as that gender. Keith needs to learn that not everyone's problems are because of him or involve him. They need to bond (gasp are they going to have a bonding moment?). I'm not sorry this ends in angst. With the way I'm going you'll all know what happens by later tonight, I don't even know. 
> 
> Anyway I'll leave you with that. Again, disclaimer that I am nonbinary, not a trans man so if I ever say something that is incorrect or awful and it is not indicated that I know that thing is incorrect or awful please correct me and I will correct the fic. 
> 
> If you have any ideas or things you'd like to see in this AU, let me know and I'll see what I can do.  
> Keep Rocking On,  
> THR


End file.
